Tuesday, October 09, 2007

wishing for something else

i guess my relationship has reached a point where i'm looking for something. while i know that he is a "husband" material boyfriend, he is definitely not the boyfriend material. our courtship days were very short-lived. he did not do much during the courtship. he simply jumped a few steps and plunged into assuming i would be the girlfriend.

i noticed one of my NIE buddies seemed to be chasing someone. somehow i can relive those thrill and enjoyment of being pampered and being chased... will i get to go through again? of course i do not want to change a boyfriend. but i do wished that he could shower more attnetion on me. let me go through the courtship feeling again. once again... i wonder if anyone is reading this...

one thing is for sure... my bf is not going to see this anytime in the next 5 years.


{10/09/2007 04:48:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, October 01, 2007

{10/01/2007 03:56:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Sunday, September 30, 2007

ah wang song....

{9/30/2007 11:48:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Friday, August 24, 2007

SHUT DOWN

i'm going to shut down this blog... no point maintaining it when no one bothers


{8/24/2007 09:18:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

interesting outcome....

did you wondered what in the world is this picture?? can you see the Chinese character that has been imprinted on my hand? actually it's 寳(treasure in traditional Chinese) or 宝(simplified Chinese)....

here's what happened.... tonight i was invited last minute to a place in Joo Chiat where we can ask the 师傅 questions beyond scientific reasonings... for those who have lost touch with me for quite some time... i have been rather superstitious now... anyway... there was some rituals that requires me to burn some joss papers... the side with the words printed was facing down on my arm... somehow... the pictures got imprinted on my hand... and so "luckily" this word appeared... hahaha... interesting of all words to appear... maybe i'm precious....


{8/22/2007 02:25:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

feeling sneaky....

have been copying stuff recently... giving myself a very sneaky feeling...i'm not saying that i copy my assignments... but rather i have been looking that fren's blogs to get ideas for my own... even the songs that are playing now is copied from a fren... i have seen it on his blog... and decided to check it out for myself.... this was how i found out about the service and also to include it here...wonder if that is good or bad... copying or improvising... i guess it's up to your interpretation


{8/22/2007 01:08:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

while checking my laptop for videos... i found this photo... it's one of my favourites...


{8/21/2007 09:36:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, August 20, 2007

getting old....

i think my NIE life has been damn slack...for the first time in 3 semesters, i'm feeling tired even before the school ended... i'm not talking about being bored or sick... i'm really talking about being physically tired... either my life has been damn slack or i got very high tolerance of being tired...of course i would have gone for the second option coz i think i have been leading a rather hectic lifestyle since sec sch days till now. and always finding enough energy to squeeze out to meet my boy no matter where, when and how late....

but seriously... i think i had an anti-school syndrome today....felt terribly nauseous after lunch today...i have got no idea why as welll...brought my laptop to school... hoping to get some work done during the 3 hour break... but was trying to get a connection to the wireless network from the canteen for the first half hour,lunch in the next half hour,and feeling nauseous for the rest of the two hours...

wasted my time in school feeling sick... if it was not for the terrible timing of the classes...i would be stuck in school for so long... monday lessons until 630... by the time i reach home is 730 already... tuesday,wednesday and thursday i would only attended one lesson each for about 2 hours on average... the journey to and from school would take me 45 mins each trip... looking at this kind of timing... don't u think it's a waste of time? sometimes i wonder if MOE seriously think that trainees have a lot of spare cash and time on their hand to waste like that...

that reminds me... i have got several profile forms that are still outstanding... better email them out now...


{8/20/2007 09:52:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

New Blog Skin

wow.... after fiddling around for about an hour... i managed to adjust the downloaded skin to my likings...hopefully this will maintain my interest to blog into this thing... lol...


{8/15/2007 10:36:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

abandoned blog....

wow... suddenly realised how long i have not been updating my blog... since april till now... but i guess to my frens... it's pretty normal... this blog's main purpose is to pour all my shitty feelings into to it and then seal it away from my life... maybe it's time to change the layout and start updating again...


{8/15/2007 09:01:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Beach outing with the boys... my two little angels...


{4/08/2007 01:45:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Honglin - 2

{4/07/2007 01:43:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Honglin

this little girl is my bf's little cousin... a sweetie pie with a temper that is measurable with mine...hahahaha...


{4/07/2007 01:38:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Friday, April 06, 2007

best foto

this is the best photo that i have taken with my dearest so far... coz in this picture... at least he was really smiling.. this notti boy always strive to disrupt my photo taking attempts...



{4/06/2007 01:26:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Waffle with Chocolate Ice Cream

hmmm... yummy....this was my dessert for friday...


{4/06/2007 01:19:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, March 24, 2007

my post birthday dinner

jia hui's smart idea of capturing our dinner on tv... quite interesting though...


{3/24/2007 01:29:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, November 23, 2006

nightmare again

i woke up shaking again... my heart was throbbing in my chest like a runaway train. if didi had not woken me up, i think i might really kill myself in the dream. i dreamt that we were having our honeymoon, your family and friends were also there. you had too much to drink and went to rest. i met your friends for a chat in the garden. chin yong then told me that your aunt made some horrible remarks about me just like the last time. but i cant do anything about it. going back into our room, i just wanted cool down and be alone. u kept following me everywhere. i lock myself in the bathroom, u asked for the keys. everywhere i go, i felt trapped. i was even thinking of killing myself... then i woke up...

i think I'm going crazy already...

how i really felt about yesterday


{11/23/2006 03:41:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, November 16, 2006

after thoughts

dear...i wonder wat u doing now?i'm still watching the korean show....
u were asking me why i was crying as i watched the show. it was
difficult to tell u at that moment coz my mom was sitting next to
me...

in the show,the prince and crazy girl were still young, they hated
each other but had to get married. we are in love but could not do the
same thing. when they finally started to like each other, all the
problems came. i do not know how much u follow the show. but there
were so many things that i wished we could do.

i saw them running around and playing on the beach. i wished we could
have that kind of fun time. but u dislike this kind of activities.
from what i heard, most of your friends dislike this kind of stuff.
all u guys do is makan, drive around and play mj.

i hope u knew that i want to have more memories while we are still
young. i want to run around, i want to take more photos, i want to
have fun with you. though i understand our situation,i hate it that we
are so broke. we cannot go anywhere we cannot do anything.

i wished we could go for holiday. i wished to have fun without any
restrictions. i wished there is no calls no sms to disturb us. i
wished to sleep in ur arms. i dun really ask for much. we do not have
to go japan or hongkong like terrence or jac. we can go johore or
batam. even a night in singapore also can. but i knew that this is not
possible. not in the near future.

i know that by the time u read until this sentence, u must be thinking
why i'm having mood swings again. why i suddenly changed? i'm not
really having mood swings. jus wanted to pen down my feelings. jus
wanted to let u know how i feel. like i want to know how u feel as
well. i realised that i only find out about things when u are angry
and shouting at me...i hope it would not be like that next time...call
me later i going to pick up dylan soon. would you call me?


{11/16/2006 05:51:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Sunday, November 05, 2006

wat happened?

wat has happened to us?why are we arguing like that?did u realised that we have come to  a point that we cant even be bothered to argue even?either one of us simply give up.why does it have to be like that?why cant we be normal?i guess i'm jus not the kind of girl you or your family wans... i dun even have the energy to be attitude anymore. nothing good has ever happened to me. nothing ever will. it's my life. it's my fate to be like that. i'll neva have a happy family... i'll neva be happy. the problem doesnt lie with other people. it lies with me. it's jus my lif, my fate,my misfortune. i'll neva be happy. pls dun call tonight. i dun wanna talk. i hate myself. i hate my life. i'm glad that i aborted our child. in my mental state now, i dun thnk i can ever be a good mother. i dun even love myself. how can i love my child? how can i love others? i'm jus causing the people around me pain and suffering. i'm making the only person that i love the most feel frustrated and hopeless. it's simply my fault. i really hate myself. i hate myself to the core. why am i here?why am i alive?why do i always make people hate me? it's funny to think that the person that i love the most hates me to the core. he's giving up hope on me. he thinks that he is wasting his time and saliva on me. that simply shows that i', beyond help. i'm hopeless. no one wans me anymore. i feel like jus disappearing and not bother about anything. i do not have the energy to live anymore. i do not have the energy to fight anymore. i dun even have the energy to believe. how can i believe in other people when i dun believe in myself? when the person that means the most to me does not believe me. my family does not believe, my bf does not believe me. maybe it's simply because i'm not worth believing. maybe that is rite. i'm not worth anything.............



{11/05/2006 04:58:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Friday, October 27, 2006

A Clear Sky At Last

It has beem almost 3 weeks since the haze started to be really bad... it has also been almost 3 weeks since my bf left for taiwan... i'm missing him so much!even though he is overseas and i'm damned concerned about the cost of his handphone bills... but i could not resist the temptation of msging him every nite.

last nite was the nite that we msged the most in a single nite!i was so happy... he said many things that made my heart want to fly to whereva he was... i wanted to really spend the rest of my life with him...in these few months,i had to admit that we had many quarrels and the interval between each of them are relatively short. we argued almost every other day.

i tried asking myself why... i always told myself it's because it was his fault... but now i think i know what is the reason... it was because i was afraid that he did not love me as much as i love him... it's very scary to love a person with every ounce of energy you have but not sure how much he is receiving. i did not know if he was appreciative of what i have done for him so far...i was totally paranoid... and sadly to say i was venting out my anger on him...

but at least i got some kind of confirmation from him....he said that he would try to solve the problem between the three of us... his aunt, him and me... i wanted me to get some form of recognition from his family... i was so touched... finally he was doing something...even though it was only a verbal promise... it was enough to stick a smile on my face the whole night and the whole day...

today to me is really a clear sky day!!! the haze wise and also the uncertainty that was killing me... i can only pray that the clear sky would still be there!!!


{10/27/2006 09:40:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Haze problems

haze.... haze.... and more haze... when will the stupid haze go away....

my asthma has been lying dormant for quite a number of years already... yet becoz of the stupid haze... i was left breathless last nite... and a cough that only seemed to get worse at nite.yesterday afternoon i was so wheezing so badly tt my friends had to pack me off to A&E... :( was discharged at nite coz i insisted to go off... was supposed to be put on observations... parents din know i was in hospital so i had to go home at nite... din wan them to worry abt me...

tried so hard to sleep at nite... but the stupid haze made me cough non-stop. in the end had to switch on the air-con and the air-purifier....was still coughing but at least not as badly...haiz.. when a person is sick... there is really nothing much we can do... except to pay and pay,... medical bills are so expensive...

i jus wish that one day i can be really well without all the medical conditions... it's really sooooo tiring for have one thing after another thrown at you.... i cant take it much longer...dunno how it these illnesses will drag on....


{10/17/2006 12:06:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, October 16, 2006

bought a new air filter

Expensive...

Cheaper Alternative

the stupid haze has been making me cough throughout the nite. why does the haze continue despite international pressure on the Indonesian government to put an end to it? anyway... because of the haze we have to use the lampe berger bottle to purify the air. yet it's so expensive.... i ended up buying another cheaper one... bioaire... hope this works...


{10/16/2006 10:07:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Went out for a ktv session... ended up being very mean to a immature bloke(btw... the immature one is not ash...)... imagine when u r trying to sing ktv and his voice is even louder than my mic... i stuffed the entire mic into his face and asked him to sing instead... dun irritate me... or i can be very mean...





{10/14/2006 09:18:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Friday, October 13, 2006

Neoprints

Recently got into a neoprint craze with fio...she has to take neoprint whenever we are in the vicinity.... took these yesterday...




{10/13/2006 10:10:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Friday, September 22, 2006

divination from above?

today is 初一... mom and i went to the 大伯公庙 to pray.... acutally most of the time... whenever i go to a temple...i would normally pray for one thing... for tw's aunt to be better...that she wun create so much trouble for the two of us... actually really tired of all the unhappiness that she has caused between the both of us... the stress that she is causing to me.... i literally freeze whenever i hear her voice...

anyway...she's not the main reason why i blog today.... i went to pray... asked for a divination for my 姻缘... specially regarding whether we can last... whether his auntie will eventually accept me...in the end i got one of the best lots....

for people that knew me very well.... they must be wondering since when did i become so superstious why do i believe in divinations now???

u know....when a person has reached the maximum bottom of their confidence... they turn to spiritual help....like me.....




{9/22/2006 02:26:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

clumsy klutz

yesterday was a busy day for me... even though there is no lessons for the day... i had been walking everywhere... it started in the early morning where i had to go to the market with my mom. she wanted to buy some stuff to cook for dinner and our pop-phia feast on saturday... in the end, we decided to bring along my nephew so that he would not disturb my bro-in-law that was studying...

coming home, we rested for a while before i was dragged to so sheng-sheong with my mom... wow... we really went on shopping spree man... i bully her to buy stuff for me hee hee.... bought two new bras and a condition... but the groceries were sooooooo heavy that i sprained my shoulder instead... shit....was sore all the way till pretty late at nite...

after that, we came home and i studyed for a few hours... was reading up on my assignments... but still dun understand the project requirements... sianz...

at nite, mom and I brought dylan to my aunt's place... coz we wanted to scold my cousin for idling his time... he's in P5 this year... but he is either laying on his bad doing nothing, talking on the fone or playing maple online... his mom has got no way of telling him to study... yes i would agree that he is a little smart but doesnt mean he could neglect his homework.... looking at him... i'm dreading the day i'll have my own kids... i would love to start a family... but i'm not confident that i would be able to bring him up with the correct moral value that i hold by...

after meeting jj last nite... we found a little kitten near my house bus-stop... it was sooooo cute and even followed us to the market... this little kitty was a real escape artiste... we put her into a large styrofoam box but she kept climbing out...that notti ger... in the end.... i fell into a drain... bruised my leg and had some abrasions...even had to trouble wee wei to bring down some medicated oil... coz i really scared there will be a big black bruise... then cannot wear skirt liao....

haiz...think i really got attracted to drains... keep falling into them... dunno why also...


{9/22/2006 02:04:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, September 07, 2006

rumblings....

almost midnight soon.... i'm still wide awake... prolly my own fault for napping ard 7plus at nite... tot of coming online to blog down some of my contridicting thoughts for this week... with "blasting" music in the background... hahaha... think i better correct my sentense... it's not really blasting but loud enuff for me to sway to the fast music....boy i miss my clubbing days... hmmm... almost two years since i last went clubbing...to think of it... that seemed really long... mus go clubbing one day....

the beginning of this week was terrible... arguments,arguments and more arguments... is it wrong for me to ask for more time with my bf?perhaps it was... since that was what we argued about. i wanted TW to accompany me to Comex... but he refused to budge from his house... granted that he tried to make up for it by having breakfast wif me... but I went to his house for breakfast... is he making up to me or i'm making it up to him... i dunno... ultimately i decided it was too far for me to go alone... thus i accomapnied him to his camp to collect some papers... there was really no need for me to go to CCK for shopping since i had nothing in mind to purchase... but i lied to him that i needed to get printer ink to print my notes... all i wanted to do is jus to spend more time with him... how wrong could that be?? i'm being nice rite... i guess he din see it as that way... i asked him to go over to my house in the afternoon coz no one was at home... merely wanted so quiet time together... which was something i dun get very much nowadays without paying 2 weeks worth of lunch $... but he refused... when i merely showed disappointment...i jus sulked... i did not throw temper..i did not shouted at him... can't i even sulk?i'm entitled to my own emotions rite? but he said that i was being over-bearing, being possessive and demanding... i "force" him to go out when he did not want to....talked to him when we reached our own homes... once again i cried... he did not understand anything that i was trying to say... he was shouting at me... is he being insensitive or am i overbearing?

i do not know...i wanted to get a third opinion but no one was free... no one was available... i guess that's the price to pay for being a loner.... i might be able to make frens easily.... but asking me to turn to them for help... i cant bring myself to....it was a sunday... each and everyone was spending time with their loved ones... but there i was crying away in a cold empty room....

that was sunday... and again... on tuesday... we quarreled again... we were supposed to meet to buy present for my dad... waited for one afternoon... looking forward to having dinner with him... missed going out for dinner with my family jus for him... but he told me he was tired and din wanna meet me... he cancelled out on me again... was pissed off with him... but when i had no mood to talk to him over the fone... he said i was showing attitude... i packed my books and ran out of the house.... made sure that i was faraway before my tears rolled out uncontrollably... i simply cried and cried non-stop.... i cried until there were no more tears... had all the things i had done for him were for nothing? was i really that demanding in his eyes? all the things that happened between his family and me had destroyed my life... it destroyed my character... mel and sandy asked me once,"shan... where's the old u? why had u became so insecure? where had the girl who stood up against bullies for her frens?"... i also did not know where that girl went to... was she killed? is it only the souless body walking ard? wat had i done to my relationship that made it left like that?

the two of us had very different perspective to our relationship... i think he is not doing enuff.... he thinks i'm demanding too much... who is rite and who is wrong? who can judge? how many times had i bite my lips and decided to give the relationship another try? am i such a horrible person that i dun even deserve a proper relationship? not even 2 years in a relationship,i find that we are out of topics to say... where had the days that we talked for hours on the fone? talking abt anything under the sun? nowadays... though we were on the fone... but other than arguing whther he was paying attention to me... we had nothing else to talk about... i wanted him to know about how i really felt... but i could neva get the topic started... was it my insecurities that made me doubt out relationship or is it there was really a problem? i thought about many many problems... and i also cried and cried and cried... i thought about ending the relationship... i had no confidence at all whether these communcation problem could be solved at all... i felt so lost and confused... i jus kept walking... i walked from boon lay drive to chinese gardens and back once more...i still had not found the solution...

coming back to my room... i looked at my bed which we had shared so many times... i thought of the times that he had kissed my troubles and tears away... how happy i had felt when we did not quarrel... made me decide to try again.... i will try to make this relationship work out... to say that i did not love him would be a lie.... i love him and am still loving him... but the future is grim from my end of the tunnel... i could not see the solution to the communication problem... how can i marry a guy that i cant talk to? how can i marry a guy that doesnt bother to check my blog? i really dunno... even though we are talking to each other... civily...i still dun feel secure...


{9/07/2006 11:31:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

AM I CRAZY?

my bf says that i am crazy... am i??? i am actually a very low-maintence ger... i dun ask for much... i dun ask for presents or posh restaurants... i dun expect to be driven around...a hug, a peck on the cheek, is all that i ask... is that too difficult?

i have given u my heart and soul.... but u trod on it as trash... is that correct?

i hope our future will not be like this song...

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I wont up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole left life came crashin

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to come home, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely


{9/06/2006 04:14:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, September 04, 2006

my only worry....

歌曲: 我可以忍受

歌手: 徐婕儿(Xu Jie Er)

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你遥远的梦
就算是变化挖空我

至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用

却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔

爱着你
是我改不了也不愿改的习惯
要放开哪有那么简单

了解你
是我说不出也不承认的悲哀
包容你
是我体谅的爱也当作应该

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你遥远的梦
就算是变化挖空我

至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用

却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔

爱着你
是我改不了也不愿改的习惯
要放开哪有那么简单

了解你
是我说不出也不承认的悲哀
包容你
是我体谅的爱也当作应该

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你遥远的梦
就算是变化挖空我

至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用

却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔

不要说对不起
原来你要的不是我
不要说谢谢你
什么你永远在我心中
can u tell me why
这样的我-你也曾爱过
不是么……

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你遥远的梦
就算是变化挖空我

至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用

却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔
使她拥有我没看过的笑容


{9/04/2006 11:25:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, September 02, 2006

dun lose your way....

this post is actually for my 大姐 fionie.... was reading her blog and wanted to reply... but realised that the things that i wanted to tell her was too long for her note reply....

it is normal for everyone to go thru a period of uncertainty and loss of direction... some face it earlier, some face it later... many people in our generation first face it when they graduated from uni/poly, after ORD etc... they do not know what they wanna do as a career, they do not know what they want. They are afraid of choosing the wrong career path. even though i chose a path that was my interest... like you, i did not like wat i got... long hours, sucky boss, no sense of gratification, no sense of satisfaction. everything simply did not feel like what i had imagined it to be...

sometimes it could be because you did not achieve wat u were hoping to achieve... sometimes it's because u have already achieve what u set out to conquer. only yourself will know the answer... at times like this... it is best to sit down with someone that u feel comfortable with... and talk things out... could be someone u knew for many years or simply your other half....

do not give in to the sense of loss...do not give up on yourself....it is only temporary...we are ounly 20+... there will be many other trials and tribulations that we have to go thru... be strong... have the support of your friends and family... u will get thru it... if i had ever known a strong and firm girl, there is none other like you...

jus re-evalutae your options... if this motivation goal does not work, find another... it's all mental...there are always listening ears around you... JJ, Ash, Me, Dawn etc....Maybe we do not understand your work stress and politics... then i'm sure there will be people that u r close to in your team... no matter what... you are not alone ok?

always talk things out... do not bottle everything up... maybe STC gers have the same trademark... bottling things up... coz i'm like that too... but nowadays... i have zhongwei... i know that he support me no matter wat... that he loves me despite my temper and bad habits... like spurging on expensive food.yet he still loves me...

ok... i think i wrote too much... but the main point is that you are not alone and pls talk things out...

hugz....


{9/02/2006 08:57:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

mc today

mc today....dying of cramps... it was so bad that i could hardly straighten myself. but i found a very good cure for menstrual cramps... jus sit at the mahjong table with a cushion to ur tummy... u can forget abt all pains until u stop the game of coz.... hahaha... i'm weird person i guess...

it's weord how i changed my opinion abt mahjong... used to hate it very very much coz my bf often plays mahjong and forget abt me.... but when i finally got a chance to play at it... it's quite interesting....

now i need to go do my project presentation slides... if not i'll be labelled as free-rider liao... bye bye


{8/22/2006 08:48:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

scare yourself

the best way to scare yourself is to suspect tt you r pregnant....was kinda of worried abt how my mensus was late for two weeks... decided that instead of worrying myself to death... might as well bring up the topic to zhongwei...see if we can decide wat to do with it...

after the morning talk with him,i felt a little better...he reassured me that things will turn out fine... he would be there for me and the "usual" sweet stuff... in this case... it's not very usual that he said sweet stuff to me... so it felt really protective of him....

much to my relief... towards the end of the day... i found that my mensus came... or else i would be totally walking ard like a zombie... lost in my own thoughs....


{8/22/2006 11:28:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Sunday, August 20, 2006

suddenly depressed

sat down at my laptop to post something abt wat happened yesterday.... i suddenly had a wave of very depressed feeling washed over me... i had got no idea why... perhaps it has gotta do with the fact that i am very broke this two months... hardly got enuff money to travel....

went around yesterday helping jj to look for stuff for the fishing trip yesterday... and also something for her to give fionie... hee hee... cant say wat was the present first... was out from 12 noon to almost 12 midnight...

talking abt fionie... that notti girl made me pull a trick on her fren... then i realised that SPF are all really good actors... they can pull a straight face while playing a trick on a fren.... goes without saying that i am also a good actress... if not... it would mean that the other party is really dumb not to see through the trick.... i will of course choose the former.... speaks more highly of myself ma....hee hee

cant wait to go chalet tml.... fionie is going to teach me how to catch crabs and fishes and prawns... how cool man...then looking forward to mahjong session at nite...
hee hee...

bye bye to all.... will write again when i return from chalet....


{8/20/2006 04:52:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Fireworks are pretty....

last nite was a very pretty nite to me.... tw brought me to the esplanade to watch fireworks... at first he was rather grumpy about it... commenting that there were too many pple around... and there was no place to have our dinner!we were so worried that there would not be any place to sit and watch the fireworks... from the moment we stepped out of the MRT till we arrived at marina square... the crowd was sooooo scary... every fast food outlet and restuarant was totally packed... we walked pretty far just to find a place to eat!

But the place we had our dinner was wonderful! tw had a bowl of char-siew ramen for dinner! it was delicious... the char-siew was soooo soft and tender that it literally melt in our mouths.... no wonder they include they char-siew as one of the side dishes!

after dinner we walked over to the field next to esplanade and sat down to wait for the fireworks to start....we went there early around 830 plus... for half an hour we were playing on the field... each time i had pin and needles feeling on my legs, he would deliberately poke it many times jus to intensify the pain.... last nite was the time for me to take revenge! he had pins and needles on one of his legs... i was poking it like there was no tomorrow! hahaha...wat a sight it was... he was half crying out in pain and half laughing whenever i poke his legs.... revenge is sweet man....


when the fireworks started many inconsiderate people that were near the waterfront were standing up to catch a better view of the fireworks... this caused many people that were seated at the back to shout..." oei.... sit down lar... pple wan watch ok?@#?!#?@!"

though i was not one of the people that shouted that out loud, but i cant deny that i was thinking of the same thing.... if the people in front were to be stubborn and refuse to sit down... it will have a ripple effect... and end up every one is standing up... that would really be very uncomfortable... at least they were nice enuff to sit down again...

there i was cuddling with tw and watching the beautiful fireworks raining down from the sky above... i forgot all my anger towards him.... i forgot that i was upset that his auntie demanded that he remains at home today on his birthday even though i have planned stuff for him! at first he promised me that at least he would spend the afternoon with me... but in the end his auntie said he was to stay at home for the whole day... i think that was a bit unfair to me....

but by the end of the firworks... i was contented enuff to jus cuddle with him on the field watching the fireworks unveil themselves for us... for that short moment... it seemed to me that there were only the two of us that were on the field... how sweet that felt...

by the end of it... another bad surprise came... he wanted to play mahjong again with his frens... i wanted to go but he said no... a thousand million excuses came out of his mouth... but i only heard "NO...." i wish i could spend more time with him... to do stuff together with his frens... i sometimes feel like a spare tyre... he's looking for me only when he has got nothing better to do... though deep down in my heart i knew that it was not true.... but honestly that was how i felt at that moment... i could not tell him that... but i simply wished that he could read his blog... which he neva did since the time we first started till now...

TTW.... can you please read this blog.... you always said that u do not understand me... i told you once that this was the best way to find out how i felt.... but neva once did u try to read this... it's very saddening to know that my bf cant be bothered with me....


{8/12/2006 01:34:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, August 10, 2006

BDAY 2006

More photos from my bday

 


{8/10/2006 10:15:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Bday 2006

Wow.... was searching thru my PC and found some fotos... this was from my bday this year... all of us went to Spizza at holland to eat...

 


{8/10/2006 10:05:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Time has flown away...

wow... time has past so fast... the last time i have written an entry here was 5 months ago... that was when i first started to teach at kranji... now i have gone into NIE to begin my official training there....

many many things have happened during this period that i cant really remember rite now... some are during my busy period where i really had got no time to blog... others were so depressing that i could not find the mood to write down my thoughts...

now that i have gone back into NIE and i really have got much more spare time in between lessons... i can finally go back to regular blogging...

come back for more info from me ba....


{8/10/2006 09:47:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, March 23, 2006

wat a first day of teaching....

today was my first day of teaching in Kranji Primary School. it was so scary... going into a class of forty curious students looking at you with inquisitive eyes...NEVA did i expect them to be devils in disguise....

When i stepped into the class, everyone was fearful of me. They should be wondering who in the world i am... and where was their former teacher..after talking to them, here comes their true colours... everyone is running to me for attention... miss chua this and miss chua that... all the little complain brats... everyone is running to me not for help... but to complain about other things....

gosh... two of the pupils even started fighting... i nearly wanted to faint....too tired to type... will continue another day


{3/23/2006 08:30:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

i'm so lousy

suddenly was hit by this deep wave of depression... i realised that i'm such a useless fren... fionie was in such terrible mood for the past month and i din even know about it... why doesn't she come to me for help?why doesn't anyone comes to me for help? dawned on my that i have actually lost touch with so many pple... fionie...ting...crystal koh...even myself....

i have lost touch with myself... can u believe it? i'm drowning myself with piles of work now... busy with office work... busy with helping other solve the PC problems... busy worrying abt other pple... but i cant even solve my own problem??????

when can i get my bf to listen to me?i strongly suspect how much my bf knows about me... does he know that i am breaking down now?does he knows that he's slowly killing me?i know that he cannot control his family... i know that he is also facing a lot of stress from his auntie.. the auntie that doesn't like me...perphaps i should repharse myself... the auntie that hates me...

i really feel like a infectious disease... not supposed to show my face anywhere... even CNY i also cannot visit his family... i wanted to... jus to show respect to his family to visit a little... but how can i? he's afraid that it would invite trouble.... he doesn't want his auntie to show black face or to throw temper... he does not want me to be upset after the whole thing.... but wat he doesn't realise is that it's really killing me....

am i such a bad gf? have i neglected him in anyway? in this two months... i have heard so many things from his mouth... he said that he's afraid that i would take away his freedom if we get married one day... he said that i was unreasonable... he said that i was being sticky and possessive... each careless remark from him is slicing my heart out.... i really dunno how much heart have i left to be hurt like that...

i wanna cry out but how can i? i have nowhere to go.... i have lost my freedom the day i moved into my sister's house... i got no where to hide and cry... i have no one to turn to... i admire yimei for having the courage and the ability to cry.... i can only take in and the pain and hurt and swallow them inside me... i really feel like killing myself...to stop all the pain and all the problems...

i'm not asking for much... i jus want to love and be loved... why mus there be his aunties around? isn't a relationship about the two of us only? why cant he ask his auntie to back off? to go away? is it because he doesn't want me anymore?

it's very tiring to hear pple say that he should do something to stop the auntie... and i have to defend his actions though i agree with them.... i'm tired of getting hurt...i want to be with him... but how can i be with him when his aunt is like that? our future is really unstable at the moment... i really cant see how i can live with his family if his aunt is as crazy like this now...

I WANNA DIE.....


{3/01/2006 02:06:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, December 29, 2005

life's like this

funny how sometimes when u feel that u are at the happiest moment of ur life but someone else will come along to show u that they care more than ur other half...ever since i turned str8... i tot that i was very happy with my bf.. though he's abit of a piece of wood... not attentive, not romantic and all.. but i was really very happy when i'm with him....though sometimes he's pretty irritating with his forgetfullness but at least he doesnt make me cry as much as serene....


{12/29/2005 11:00:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, December 19, 2005

productive day...

friday.... only gers are left in the office... all the guys are either out-stationed or on leave... lonely lonely day...

but was rather productive... helped jane to get a function fromthe system working... then really lessen her workload but leaps and bounds...

while i managed to solved many things for jane, i was stuck in the workshop downstairs where many many things are not up to date. as their IT company, they would have to come to us regarding many installation or upgrade options to their system. however,when trying to help them install a software from Renault France,actually faced many problems. Firstly, they themselve do not know what version of software need to be install, neither do they know how to install them. By the time i finally managed to solved on portioned of it, I found out that they have not been updating their system which repairing of vehicle is dependant on...

makes me think twice when buying vehicles from renault... wat if they repair vehicles based on old info... will they spoil the vehicle?

after work, went to jane's house to pass time. coz serene yang coming back from UK,the flight ard 1030... if i go home then come out again... very troublesome... might as well go to jane's house to help her look at her PC... ended up helping her reset the router,install sims on 2 PCs,install games on her phone,format her harddisk,and solve the problem on her new Zen Vision...

all in all it was quite a good daY!!!!


{12/19/2005 11:52:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

christmas is coming....

christmas is coming... sort of dreading and looking forward to it as well... dreading it coz it would mean that everything is super expensive during this time of the year... but looking forward coz can finally meet up with my buddies from SEC sch...

this coming wednesday my company having a small party in our office... have a small makan session then play a bit of games... holiday mood already... lalalala....


{12/19/2005 11:36:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, September 19, 2005

wearing a mask

Do you eva wish that we can understand wat our other half is thinking about?I really wished that I understood zhongwei!but I dun!

I disappeared for 1whole nite...but he din bothered abt me at all...no calls no msg...almost as if I neva existed!maybe i'm childish...but deep in my heart I wished that there were some reaction from him...

Feeling kind of lost now...jus having a kind of empty feeling inside me!a fear that is growing bigger and bigger each passing day!it is almost as if that the fear is eating me up!i'm losing more of myself each day...

it's almost as if u are looking at urself foom a third person's pt of view!something that u can't control!a feeling that u want to cry but cannot cry...

Everyday I dread waking up...coz I have to spend another day pretending to be happy when i'm not...

The only time when I was happy was when I am wif him!even hearing his voice makes the impossible seemed like a breeze!is that wat u call love?a simple fone call no matter how long or short,makes me yearn for it the entire day!silly rite?

But i'm not sure if he shares the same feelings!he does not seemed enthusiastic when I call him...is he tired?is he feeling bored?i'll neva noe!

I wished there was a place where I could hide away from the rest of civilization...where I do not need to wear a mask to face a mask...


{9/19/2005 11:39:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Sunday, September 18, 2005

PPCSG - Pocket PC Singapore Community

PPCSG - Pocket PC Singapore Community

currently this is the website that i'll sruf without fail everyday from office.... all my latest infoa nd updates come from this place....

check it out


{9/18/2005 10:57:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, September 17, 2005

locked out...

I think i'm the only person who can lock myself out of the house


{9/17/2005 10:17:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

midnight call?

getting very very tired with my in-laws... is it really so difficult to fall in love? after all of the trials and tribulations that i had to go thru... i finally found a person that loves me as much as i love him... but yet time and time again, his family have to break my heart and also my spirit....

am i such a bad person that they cannot accept me? i have given everything to my bf... my time, my energy amid of other things that i cannot say out... have i not taken care of him enuff? did i not take care of him when he was in hospital? did i not make sacrificies of my own health for the sake of his? why they still treat me like that? as if i do not exist at all?

---

monday nite.... 1 am in the morning.... i was already not feeling well... puked everything within my stomach due to some unknown reasons... dead tired.... just wanted to get enuff rest for work tml... but in the middle of the nite i was awaken by a call... a call from my bf's house... but my bf was in camp... prolly snoring away sleeping like a log...

i was so scared... had something happened to my bf??? i jolted awake... quickly sat up to pick up the call... "hello....hello...." repeatedly i said those words... no answer.... had my fone died on me?? how come no reply.... abruptly the call ended... the other party put down the fone....

my imagination literally ran wild... had my bf hurt his knee again?was any of his family hurt?though they had treated me unfairly, i have come to love his family as he would have.... they meant a lot to me as well! i was really very very worried though pple tot that i should have been annoyed for being awaken from my sleep...

minutes later, his house number appeared on my caller id again... this time i picked up the call immediately....but the caller put down the fone once i had picked it up....this went on for two to three more times...

did his family think that he was spending the nite at my place?did they think i had a better chance of contacting him? wateva the reason i did not know...i could not find out either.... my bf refused to comment and i was too tired to find out either...

wat i was hurt abt was that why they refused to talk to me?if they were looking for my bf, why they did not ask me directly?why must they keep quiet?am i a stranger to them?they still refused to acknowledge that i could very well be a part of their family in the future?

wateva the reason, i'm very tired... perhaps i was not meant to fall in love with him! perhaps it was my destiny to remain single for the rest of my life... wat have i done to be denied of all forms of comfort that i have rite now?

i am tired... i just wish to go into hiding.... dun bother contacting me... i dun wish to talk to anyone...

birdy... i would be taking leave tml to finish wat i owe u... will give it to u asap...

{9/14/2005 10:22:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

childish?

many things is out of our control. while we try to be as careful as possible, telling our collegues what we have done the day before so that they can take over your duties while u r away...there's no way how they interprete the msgs.... below is an email that i have sent to the ger that was supposed to handle my work while i was away for training... perhaps you can judge for yourselves...

---

Crystal,

I somehow don’t feel comfortable with your open statement that I didn’t double check the float. On 22/8/2005, I’ve already informed you that the float amount is $50.60. I might have counted wrongly or missed out certain things, that was why I double checked with you first. But you told me that $50.00 was taken from your float to buy something for the workshop. In this case, there’s no issue of missing float since that’s what I’ve been told. So what made you said that I didn’t double check with you?

On 6/9/2005, you told Patricia and me that Mr. Tan already paid back the money. Of coz, the float should be correct now. Again, logically, I don’t see there’s an issue of missing float here.




-----Original Message-----From: Crystal Chua [mailto:crystal.chua@exklusiv.com.sg] Sent: Tuesday, September 06, 2005 6:56 PMTo: 'Nani (E-mail'Cc: 'Din (E-mail)'; 'Alan Tan'; 'Patricai Lim (E-mail'Subject: HANDOVER FOR 06.09.05

Nani,

Tml morning I would be attending the part training of ADS2.

All daily collection have been keyed in and the cash has been prepared in an envelope in the safe. Total Amt is $915.95. pls let Din counter check and seal.

You said that there was missing float. All coins and notes have been counted and accounted for. Pls double check next time. Below are the quantity

$10.00 x 1
$5.00 x 3
$2.00 x 7
$1.00 x 35
$0.50 x 29
$0.20 x 31
$0.05 x 184

total amt is $103.90.

all have been seal and locked in the safe.

I would also request to Alan to relinquish all money issues back to you and Pat as I would be leaving the company soon. For clarity it would be best that I do not touch the cash at all. Pending his approval, I would still do what is within my job scope.


{9/07/2005 02:16:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Sunday, September 04, 2005

am i unreasonable?

he said i'm not understanding,i'm unreasonable...my heart broke on the spot!I could only burst out crying silently!

am I that bad?am I jus not good enuff?


{9/04/2005 11:45:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

fever...

sick sick sick..running a fever of 39degrees...nobody in the house,nothing to eat,decided not to eat...

and my marvelous bf can wake up early only to play game...

poor me!


{9/04/2005 10:51:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Fwd: !! dog's life

Interesting one... Must read... for all working people...

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away.

But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well.

The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten-dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.

So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button.

Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn.

They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.

The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog thenshows a ticket, which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.

The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.

It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him.

The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds: "You call this clever?

This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."

Moral of the Story:

You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.

It's dog's life after all

{7/09/2005 10:52:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Friday, July 01, 2005

~<@ operation day @>~

this week has been a very hectic week for me! and also a very scary one too! zhongwei was schedule for an operation for his torn ligament on monday!woke up early in the morning to accompany him to the hospital... is it just the nature of boys or am i just plainly paranoid? i seemed more anxious about the operation than him! he was totally non-chalant about the whole issue. he could still play games on my fone.

after wat seemed to be an eternity of waiting, he was called in for a check-up prior to the operation. much to our dismay, after we were called, we still had to wait again. the grossly obessed auntie in front of us was trying to have the blood tested for god knows wat reason... she was screaming away... at this point, zhongwei started to freak out! he was so scared that he put down the fone and started chewing his nails....

roughly about 10am, he was pushed into the operation theatre... we could only wait outside for him... i went to return the rental car with my father and rushed back to the hospital in a cab. according to his doctor, the operation was supposed to only take about an hour. so i "flew" back to the hospital, thinking that he could be out anytime soon.

rushed back to the hospital by 11.10am,thinking that he would be out soon, i practically ran through the hospital to the operation theatre. reaching there, was half relieved only to see his auntie was outside. he was not out yet.

from 11am we waited to 12pm, checking out watches every 15mins for the display screen that shows the status of each operation. the agony of waiting for time to pass was growing steadily... i was starting to freak out as well. wondering and imagining all kinds of awful scenarios.... did he have any complications?was the bleeding unable to stop?did the doctors screw up the operation?
the waiting was really unbearable! i was almost to the verge of crying. yet there was nothing to do but to wait!

finally at 150, he was wheeled out of the operation theatre! we followed him to the ward! the poor guy was so pale. yet his first words that he told me, was "I'M HUNGRY!IS THERE ANYTHING TO EAT?" Gosh... here i was worried half to death,and he was joking with me!i really did not know whether to laugh or to cry with relieve!

to be continued....


{7/01/2005 02:04:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

feel like killing me sister!@#?!@?#!@

i really do not know what is wrong between my sister and me.... we can never sit down and talk properly..... do you believe that we can even quarrel thru an email???? f*** her.... pissed off....and my mom wans me to live with her!?!@#?!@?#

--
shannie


{6/08/2005 02:48:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

~«@ housework @»~

Mom has not been at home for over a week...gradually got used doing housework every 2 to 3 days...washed and hung the bedsheets,pillows,bolster covers...just washed dad's and my clothes...finished hanging them...always hated doing housework...always found them redundant...maybe because there's always my mom who is "screaming" at me to do them!but yeti hated doing them!now that I have no choice but to do them...they are not too bad...maybe I jus have to do them at my own pace...one day to do the laundry...one day to mop and sweep one day to do the rest...haha...i'm jus not the housework type...

{5/24/2005 11:26:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

~«@living away@»~

Ah ju(bf's cousin) went off to study a hairstyling course in Malaysia...it has been over a week...she jus came back to Singapore for a short visit...she wanted to go shopping wif me...got a shock when tw told me...I was never close to her...in fact I hated the way she throws her temper....yet jus now while I was hanging the clothes...it jus occurred to me how young she was...only 17 she had to leave her family to stay wif another family...the feeling is not good...I tried that for 6mths...even I could not stand it!The feeling of being alone, of being helpless. Defenceless. Of being having no one to turn is not one that i would like to go thrU again! No matter now much i complain about my mother and my sisters... i still love them no matter what'. I'm never going to hate them for too long a period!

{5/24/2005 11:20:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, May 19, 2005

where's the old me?

{5/19/2005 03:48:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

~ a productive day ~

{5/17/2005 04:54:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Monday, May 16, 2005

times flies.... have been two weeks since i came back from genting... everything that has happened is still very clear in my mind! though it's a place of mixed memories... there's those that is happy... there's those that is sad.....

was actually rather glad that we did not get to go to the theme park.... coz there's just toooo much memories there.... i do not know how to explain to my bf abt my sudden melanchony mood...

lets hope that new memories will be in place to change the old ones....


{5/16/2005 09:33:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

Thursday, May 12, 2005

dennis's puppy!!!soooo cute 



{5/12/2005 10:02:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

i wanna call yi yi 



{5/12/2005 10:01:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you

new year party 



{5/12/2005 10:01:00 pm}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you