Wednesday, September 14, 2005

midnight call?

getting very very tired with my in-laws... is it really so difficult to fall in love? after all of the trials and tribulations that i had to go thru... i finally found a person that loves me as much as i love him... but yet time and time again, his family have to break my heart and also my spirit....

am i such a bad person that they cannot accept me? i have given everything to my bf... my time, my energy amid of other things that i cannot say out... have i not taken care of him enuff? did i not take care of him when he was in hospital? did i not make sacrificies of my own health for the sake of his? why they still treat me like that? as if i do not exist at all?

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monday nite.... 1 am in the morning.... i was already not feeling well... puked everything within my stomach due to some unknown reasons... dead tired.... just wanted to get enuff rest for work tml... but in the middle of the nite i was awaken by a call... a call from my bf's house... but my bf was in camp... prolly snoring away sleeping like a log...

i was so scared... had something happened to my bf??? i jolted awake... quickly sat up to pick up the call... "hello....hello...." repeatedly i said those words... no answer.... had my fone died on me?? how come no reply.... abruptly the call ended... the other party put down the fone....

my imagination literally ran wild... had my bf hurt his knee again?was any of his family hurt?though they had treated me unfairly, i have come to love his family as he would have.... they meant a lot to me as well! i was really very very worried though pple tot that i should have been annoyed for being awaken from my sleep...

minutes later, his house number appeared on my caller id again... this time i picked up the call immediately....but the caller put down the fone once i had picked it up....this went on for two to three more times...

did his family think that he was spending the nite at my place?did they think i had a better chance of contacting him? wateva the reason i did not know...i could not find out either.... my bf refused to comment and i was too tired to find out either...

wat i was hurt abt was that why they refused to talk to me?if they were looking for my bf, why they did not ask me directly?why must they keep quiet?am i a stranger to them?they still refused to acknowledge that i could very well be a part of their family in the future?

wateva the reason, i'm very tired... perhaps i was not meant to fall in love with him! perhaps it was my destiny to remain single for the rest of my life... wat have i done to be denied of all forms of comfort that i have rite now?

i am tired... i just wish to go into hiding.... dun bother contacting me... i dun wish to talk to anyone...

birdy... i would be taking leave tml to finish wat i owe u... will give it to u asap...

{9/14/2005 10:22:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you