Wednesday, March 31, 2004

~revelation~

sai.... office nobody in office today... did a lot of thinking last nite... was wondering why i got a mental breakdown... i guess the only reason i can think of is that i cant see the ending point of this road i'm struggling thru rite now... i'm not a person who gives up jus becoz it's difficult... but i WILL give up if i see no point in continuing... everything that has happened, happened only for a reason... every path that we walk is there for a reason... why should i pick myself up after every fall when i dun see the ending at all??? maybe tt's why i'm resenting that i'm alone... am i strong?? i dunno... many pple tell me that it is not responsibility to support my auntie... that i am strong to take up this challenge...
thinking back... i wanted to help coz i know that nobody else is willing to help... everyone has their own families... or relationship... i'm the only one who is stuck in one that is going nowhere... sometimes i wonder wat's my status... can someone jus disappear for over a month jus like that? no email? no msg? no calls? is it that difficult to send a short msg online? i dunno... the only excuse that was given was that "BUSY"... once again.. i have no choice but to accept it... is this r/s turned into xi2 guan4 instead of xi3 huan1?? i dunno... i dun wanna think abt it... i'm too tired to think abt it...
sometimes i think pple really underestimate the power of a light touch on the hand/shoulder to show support... yes.. i'm going thru a lot now.. after one day of morbid-ness yesterday... i felt a lot better... fionie jie.... and birdbrain was there talking to me.... encouraging me and pushing me along.. i was actually thinking of giving up and si le suan le... but now at the very least.. the dying thoughts are no longer there... though i still dunno my directions... vaguely i know what i'm supposed to do... but the reasons behind it are still a little blur...

regarding lb... i'm doing it for money and also parents... wif money.. they can finally rest... not worry anymore... anything else.. i see no goals i see no end... is this part of growing up? finding directions??? i dunno.... all i can say is that i need to find myself b4 starting on anything else...
jia.... thanks for showing me support in lb... muack.. heard from crystal that u going to read "rich dad poor dad".... i mus read that too... cannot be laid back anymore :P *bleh*


{3/31/2004 09:27:00 am}

I wish I could soar
And tell the world...
I want to be with you